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Desperate Housewives 1.3

The morning after my funeral, my friends and neighbours quietly went back to their busy, busy lives. While some did their cooking.
And some did their cleaning.
And some did their yoga.
Others did their homework.

- Hi. Im Julie, I kicked my soccer ball into your backyard.
- Oh, OK. Well, lets go round and get it.
- His wife died a year ago, he wanted to stay in LA but there were too many memories. Hes renting for tax purposes, but he hopes to buy a place real soon.
- I cant believe you went over there.
- Hey, I saw you both flirting at the wake. Youre obviously into each other. Now that you know hes single, you can ask him out.
- Julie, I like Mr. Delfino, I do. Its just, I dont know if Im ready to start dating yet.
- Ugh, you need to get back out there. Come on.
- How long has it been since youve had sex?
- Are you mad that I asked you that?
- No, Im just trying to remember.
- I dont wanna talk to you about my love life anymore, it weirds me out.
- I wouldnt have said anything its just
- What?
- I heard Dads girlfriend asking if youd dated anyone since the divorce, and Dad said he doubted it.
And then they both laughed.

- Hey, Susan.
- Hi Mike. I brought you a little house-warming gift. I probably shouldve brought something by earlier, but
- Actually, youre the first in the neighbourhood to stop by.
- Really? Well, welcome.

Susan knew she was lucky. An eligible bachelor had moved onto Wisteria Lane, and she was the first to find out.
But she also knew that good news travels quickly.

- Hello there!
Edie Britt was the most predatory divorcee in a 5 block radius. Her conquests were numerous
and legendary.
- Hi Susan, I hope Im not interrupting. You must be Mike Delfino.
- Hi, Im Edie. Britt. I live over there. Welcome to Wisteria Lane.

Susan had met the enemy, and she was a slut.

- Thank you, whats this?
- Sausage Puttanesca. Its just something I threw together.
- Thanks, Edie. Thats great.
- Uh, Id invite you both in, but I was sort of in the middle of something.
- Oh, Im late for an appointment anyway.
- Oh, no problem, I just wanted to say hi
- Well, thanks.

And just like that, the race for Mike Delfino had begun.
For a moment, Susan wondered if her rivalry with Edie would remain friendly.

- Oh, Mike. I heard youre a plumber?

But she was reminded that when it came to men
- Yeah. Do you think you could stop by later tonight and take a look at my pipes?
Women dont fight fair.
- Sure.
- Thanks. Bye Susan.
- You cant order me around like Im a child!
- Gabrielle
- No. No, no, no, Im not going.
- Its business, Tanaka expects everyone to bring their wives.
- Every time Im around that man, he tries to grab my ass.
- I made over $200,000 doing business with him last year. If he wants to grab your ass, you let him.
- John!
- Ow. Mr. Solis. You scared me.
- Why is that bush still there? You were supposed to dig it up last week.
- I didnt have time last week
- I dont wanna hear your excuses, just take care of it.
- I really hate the way you talk to me.
- And I really hate that I spent $15,000 on your diamond necklace that you couldnt live without.
- But Im learning to deal with it. So. Can I tell Tanaka well be there tomorrow night?
- John. We have bandages. Top shelf in the kitchen.
- Thanks, Mrs. Solis.
- Fine. Ill go. But Im keeping my back pressed against the wall the entire time.
- See?

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