Hello, I'm Oprah Winfrey,
and I'd like you to meet someone.
Please say hello to Luella de la Tweeb.
Tell us about yourself.
Well, my name is Luella. I'm 37 years of age.
I'm beautiful, I'm intelligent,
I'm glamorous, I'm attractive,
I'm warm, I'm sensitive, I'm caring,
I'm rich, I'm sexy.
I'm incredibly talented.
So, what exactly is your problem, Luella?
I suffer from low self-esteem.
That's an absolute bugger, isn't it?
And how does that manifest itself?
Well, I used to love myself,
I used to think that I was great.
Oh, don't tell me you stopped thinking
you were great, that would be heart-breaking.
Well, I stopped talking to myself,
I stopped seeing myself for what I really am.
I guess I started to take myself for granted.
Let's have a pointless round of applause there,
So... Thank you. All right.
So, Luella, what did you do next?
Well, I confronted myself.
You know, I waited until I got home one day
and I confronted myself.
I said, ''Hey, lady, what are you doing?''
How unbearably tense.
And how did you respond?
Well, you know, I started to shift around,
I started blaming all kinds of other things,
but in the end, you know, I had to admit that,
yes, I was sleeping with someone else.
I don't think I've ever been more
emotionally knotted up than I am at the moment.
Ask a question.
(DELIGHTED LAUGHTER) Oh, who, me? Oh!
I'd just like to ask Luella
where she gets her strength from.
Luella, lady here wants to know where
the mascaraed arse you get your strength from.
Well, now, can I answer that with a question?
Oh, I'd like that.
She'd like that.
Right, well, I want you to do something for me.
I want you to stand in front of a mirror, okay?
Take all your clothes off...
No, hey, look, I'm serious. It's what I did.
You know, I stood naked in front of a mirror
and I looked at myself, and I said,
''I love me. I love me for what I am.
I love my whining aggression, you know.
I love my hideous, suffocating self-pity,
I love the fact that I'm a neurotic
and that I demand the world's respect
without having to do a single thing to earn it. I'm me.
I'm special, I'm crazy about the way I am.''
Now, would you do that for me?
I surely will.
Right, well, I think we'd better take
a vomit break now, but don't go away.